Hell's Half Acre

the immigrant song

I wish I came from the land of ice and snow because then it would be a hell of a lot easier to obtain a work permit for the friggen U.K.

It looks like student visa may be my ticket to ride if I wish to do an extended stay there.  I can go over with my company fairly easily on a "Business Visit" but in order to get a work permit, my company would need to ensure the brits that no other EU citizen was qualified for my position.

I am determined to not let that dampen my enthusiasm for this endeavor. I love a challenge AND I am resourceful.

I am 5 points away from qualifying for Highly Skilled Migrant Status. I have 70 points out of 75.  Getting an MA gives me the additional 5. Getting an MA in the UK gives me another 5 pts. With a student visa I can work up to 20 hours a week during the term and 40 when school is out. I am going to talk to beige and see what they can do.  They may not want to deal with the hassle.  They've sponsored others before so we will see.

I change my plans so often that who even knows if this plan will still be in the works by the time graduation rolls around.

I don't know what this current obsession is all about.  I just got the idea in my head and now I can't shake it. It's kind of like when I started thinking about moving to NYC. I came to visit and then casually said to Minerva, "You know, I could live here. It would be cool if I came here and finished my degree at NYU."

And look what happened. . .

Snl Tv Funhouse Conspiracy Theory Rock

Conspiracy Theory Rock

I see dead people

I am about to have a "Falling Down" incident I sweat to friggen christ.  Hairball, the one who sits behind me during my daily grind is leaving which is cause for celebration. Unfortunately, she should have left last Friday as this place has become untenable due to her sustained presence. 

She's driving me NUTZBALLZ!

Let me see if I can describe her type: She is in her early thirties but conducts herself with the decorum of a twenty year old. Who has a tantrum on a conference call loudly enough for the entire open floor plan office to hear? Who then proclaims "I'm glad I won't be around here to deal with this" to everyone on the call?  She has been announcing to everyone since the word went out that she is going to work for a client which is a horrible breach of professional ethics. In some cases she has even named the company which she is moving to.  I doubt the new company will allow as much solitaire to be played. She hoardes knowledge, feeling threatened when someone encroaches on her territory.  She has no tact.  She and I got into it about a "process" that according to her, everyone should have known about. How could they when she disseminates no information?  I asked her point blank, "Are you going to let us in on the secret process before you go or are we going to have to reverse engineer that TOO?"

This week, because my mini-boss is gone, she has TRIED to insert herself into my world and call the shots.   Uh-uh lady. Step the fuck off.  Whenever that happens I just "smart" her to death. Get all technical on her ass and shit.

Please. Only two more days. Please dear god, don't let me strangle her before then.

reason to go vegan

never had the urge until I read this article.

God damn. You know, I was on the treadmill last night and I saw them showing that mutant retard sheep Dolly and I was thinking to myself, "Is someone manufacturing lambchops?"

Apparently, all signs point to yes.

blorph.

FYI--A decision regarding labeling is pending. You may not even know if you are eating a normally grown animal or one made in a test tube. 

I'm done with meat. Goodbye Proscuitto. Goodbye Filet Mignon. Goodbye Chicken (good riddance.) Good bye yummy pork products that lead me closer to heart disease.

Hello carrots!

Thanks Kerblacki

Thanks to Kerblacki, my memory has successfully been erased.  This is a wonderous thing. Don't bother to comment unless you introduce yourself first.

Welcome to this blog. Have a pretzel.

Kerblackistad

This is where I am moving:

Capital: Vorsht
49°31′N 6°7′E

Largest city: Xanthrill

Official languages: Kerblakistadian, Czech, Swahili, Spanish

Government: Grand duchy

Area
- Total 2,586 km²
999 sq mi 

Population
- 2005 estimate 485,000
- 2001 census 239,539

GDP (PPP) 2005 estimate
- Total $29.37 billion (92nd)
- Per capita $69,800 (2005) (1st)

Currency Euro (€)2 (EUR)

Time zone CET (UTC+1)
- Summer (DST) CEST (UTC+2)

---

Kerblackistad may look similar to Luxembourg but I assure you, it is not even close.  This is where I will be moving for electro shock and flotation therapy.  Kerblackistad is known for it's advanced electro-shock treatment facilities. They are simply the best.

Ohhhh, I'm excited. It's all so Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Can't wait.

holiday food bender

This year I decided not to cook (food that is. . . Hot-CHA!)  and managed to escape the whole turkey hoi-polloi.

I've been known in the past to put on the ridiculous army-sized feast for two. This would result in two weeks of turkey leftovers and enough aversion therapy to scare me away from the bird for an entire year. I think that must be similar to pregnancy. A year after the event you convince yourself that it wasn't so bad and that maybe you're willing to risk it again. Three days later, you're rolling off your couch in a tryptophan coma, drooling onto your own hand, while the intro music to some random DVD loops continuously in the background because you lost the remote in your stupor.

This year I boycotted that whole thing. I bought some snacks and survived on my gigantic pot of ox-tail soup and my new friend, KALE. I love kale. If I have a kid, I'm gonna name it kale. I think kale loves me back because according to the unused weight watchers cookbook sitting on my coffee table, kale packs the "powerhouse of nutrients."  It's good to make new friends.

For Christmas Eve dinner, B and I treated ourselves to a no-holds-barred dinner at The Spotted Pig. Although our waiter visiably sighed at us when we told him we forgot to order broccoli rabe, he did get it to us before we were done with our entrees. The Bass was beautiful, the oysters were outstanding, the roasted red pepper and fresh mozarella was roasty and fresh-y.

For Christmas dinner, B and I dined on Christmas fajitas. They're just like regular fajitas except when you're dishing up your plate you're required to sing that Jose Feliciano song.

I don't know why I'm talking about holiday feeding. . .maybe because kale and I had a lunch date and it's bringing back fond memories.

Thank you Godfather

James Brown
May 3, 1933 – December 25, 2006

all in the family

I think maybe I watched too much Sopranos over the long weekend. Maybe it made me have a skewed vision of familial expectations. I mean, I watched the entire Season 6 pt. 1. It was a little much.

your love don't pay my bills

Is it okay to say that I am slightly depressed this Christmas? I have Christmas Depression according to the ABZ's of Love.

I promised I would not make comments about blood relations on the blog. I used to worry about dying alone. . .now I could care less. I'm moving to Kerblackistad and putting myself through electro-shock therapy so that I can forget my previous life and start fresh.

Argh.