Hell's Half Acre

the most and the least

back to school again Tuesday night. This time around it's only for fun. As I found myself rushing to class 20 minutes late I had to stop and remind myself of the fun I was about to have.

Those desk chairs are still uncomfortable. They didn't change after graduation.

In spite of that, the class was indeed fun. I am looking forward to immersing myself in the craft of screenwriting once again.

We had to list our top five fave movies and least  fave five and write loglines for each. I was not able to figure this out last night but I will attempt to do so here:

top five fave films (at least this week)

Rushmore - Comedy about a prep school misfit who competes with an industrialist to win a teacher's love

Blade Runner - futuristic thriller about a detective who must "retire" a group of murder androids.

The Station Agent - drama about a lonely man who finds friendship in a small New Jersey town.

Apocalypse Now - drama about a soldier who journeys to the heart of the jungle to kill an officer.

Waiting for Guffman - comedy about a small town theater group who invite a theater critic to their show in hopes of getting a big break.

top five smoking turds which I have been misfortunate enough to have wasted 2 hrs of my life on

The Final Cut - unwatchable thriller which is neither thrilling nor entertaining containing no believable or sympathetic characters.

Sweet November - girl with cancer teaches Keanu Reeves how to LIVE. Audience wishes she would just die.

Antitrust - tim robbins plays a a Bill Gates look alike who KILLS independent programmers for their code. I think this is a documentary.

Moulin Rouge - two star crossed lovers sing and dance their way across an extravagant  mock up of 1920s Paris. badly. Stars Lady Marmelade.

Beaches - did you ever know that you're my . . . .cough cough, retch, gak. *gasp* *die*

the street fair to end all street fairs

not my words but I'll lead off with them anyway.

The Atlantic Antic is a Brooklyn Institution

The 33rd Annual Atlantic Antic Street Festival will take place on Sunday, September 30th from 10am to 6pm, rain or shine. Spanning 10 blocks of Atlantic avenue, from 4th Avenue in Boerum Hill all the way to Hicks Street in Brooklyn Heights, the Atlantic Antic is New York's number one street festival, offering something for everyone:

Enjoy live performances all day long on ten musical stages, featuring blues, rock, country, R&B, jazz, music for kids, and belly-dancing.
Sample food from around the world and street fair favorites including baklava, funnel cake, grilled sardines, pulled pork sandwiches, fresh lemonade, fried mozzarella, and roasted corn.
Shop for the trendiest art, clothing, and home accessories from Atlantic Avenue merchants and a host of local vendors and craftspeople.
Families should take advantage of pony rides, facepainting, balloon sculptures, live storytelling, and more!

if there is really something for everyone why did they not list the fisting booth. aka the Caligula Experience Project. Maybe they are just being coy.

this is what I'm stoked about however:

The New York Transit Museum's 14th Annual Bus Festival will also coincide with the Antic, taking place at the midway point of the festival, on Boerum Place. A collection of vintage buses dating all the way back to 1917 will will be on display and ready to board, and visitors can also enjoy free admission to the museum, one block away on Schermerhorn Street.

If you ask my friend kb, she will tell you that I've been dying to go to the Transit Museum since I moved here. . .six and a half YEARS ago. *wow. this is the longest I've lived anywhere besides my hometown. hmmm. curious.*

i'm going to lose my shit soon

  we have been operating one man down for about three months now. maybe four.  as we approach the end of the year, our business, like the retail industry starts to ramp up dramatically. Our busy season precedes the retail busy season by about a month. . .makes sense right? How else will you know how to spend your hard earned casheesh?

It is only mid morning and I am already downing focusin. I think I will make pill popping my new habit. I need to find a doctor soon who can prescribe more calm-down-pills. I have traded in my old liquid coping mechanism for this new "better living through chemistry" approach.  I think this is the only way.

"Yes, give me a one way ticket to the Valley of the Dolls, please. Thanks."

looking for a cheap good time

I've chosen to part with surreality today and will touch upon the gritty reality of money, and/or lack thereof.

I'm actually doing okay, but I've started an aggressive debt repayment plan which is killing my funz. I'm sure I've said before that I'm not so good at budgeting. Also, if you 've been paying attention, you may have noticed that I become a tab bit obsessed and slightly overzealous when I become set on a goal. Because of this, I continue to over pay my creditors without leaving myself any disposable cash (nest egg? what nest egg. . .I  was raised paycheck to paycheck.)

oops, posted before I was through. . .

so what I am getting at is that I am looking for cheap, low, or no cost diversions. So far I've come up with these:

picking fights on subway platforms
stealing ridiculously high stiletto heels and pretending like I'm in a circus on stilts
eating Nature's Best instant oatmeal until my colon bursts
talking to rodents
practicing Karaoke and giving free concerts to the homeless
treating each and every bookstore as my own personal reading room
listening to the Virgin Mega Store top 20 in consecutive order and screaming "this sucks" for each one
mocking street performers

I think this is a farily well rounded list for starters. Feel free to add suggestions.

bien surreality

C'est si bon!

I was toying with the idea of abandoning Hell's Half Acre because I am tired of blogging about myself.

However, rather than give up this tiny, miniscule, microcosm of the ether in which I have staked my claim, I've decided to just abandon reality instead. I think that is a win-win. Where else would I be able to self-indulge in puppets, space dolphins, goblins, and whatnots, if it wasn't for this place?

Have you ever seen a whatnot? Let me know if you do. I hear there are some in Missouri. They favor wooded areas.

I am going to go play with the Space Dolphins now. Click click. Snorf. You can spot me around town. I am the dolphin in the space suit studying french vocabulary, bien sur. 

wha's happenin'?

and the answer is. . .

NADA. That's right. NULL. ZILCH. ZERO. ZIP.

Screenwriting class starts tomorrow. Looking forward to excercising my brainpan.  Started back at the pain arena to excercise my non brain pan. Man, I haven't even read any news lately. . .just watching cartoons and internet puppet shows. I turning into a tard.

That is all.

kick 'em where it really counts

From NYTimes online. . .

Dollar Falls to New Low Against the Euro
Investors dumped dollars yesterday, sending the euro to a record high and putting the American currency at par with the Canadian dollar for the first time in more than 30 years. . .

. . .As American assets become cheaper to buyers overseas, foreigners may step up their purchase of businesses and land here, creating political and cultural tensions. Yesterday, a stock exchange from Dubai, on the Persian Gulf, announced plans to take a sizable stake in Nasdaq, drawing a mixed response in Washington. And a prominent private equity firm, the Carlyle Group, sold a minority stake to the Abu Dhabi government. read more. . .

Good news for the Midwest though. . .cheaper american prices mean more manufacturing jobs. Don't opt for re-training yet! Keep that factory job!

Sit back and watch the country squirm as it gets hit in its core value system, Capitalism. Wait, capitalism is not a value system? It's not a political party? It's not even a major religion?

Could've fooled me. 

some of my favorite people are puppets

I heart these guys.

ol' chumbucket says. . .

Yar don't ye be forgettin' this important day ye scallywags

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Talk_Like_a_Pirate_Day

who is Paris Philomena?

and why is she sending me emails about discount rolex watches?

I imagine Paris Philomena is a failed super model who now sells knock-off rolex watches out of a portable trailer parked in a strip mall parking lot on Pico Blvd. At lunch she eats Korean BBQ. At night, she sits in a crappy bar somewhere south of Venice Beach, drinking Miller Lite, and flirting with bikers. She will never go home with them but she likes to be around them because they feel dangerous. Sometimes she sits there alone, drunk, and tells herself that she completely understands where Sheryl Crowe was coming from. "This ain't no disco" she thinks. "No country club either."

She eyes a guy at the end of the bar. She seen him around a couple of times. He doesn't seem to do anything which might indicate that he makes his living selling drugs. Either that or he is a D-List agent. She wonders if she should buy him a drink. In the end, she doesn't. She gives a flirty kiss good night to Homer, the biker with the entire story of Lord of the Rings tatooed on his body, and heads home, to her faded hollywood studio apartment where she goes to sleep and dreams about what once was.

That's who Paris Philomena is. I wish she would stop spamming me.