Hell's Half Acre

hair jinx

it's time for a new do. the grow out is unbearable looking and a "friend" told me I had a "She-Mullet."

I went online to look for something a little different so I googled short haircuts. I was led to a site of little interest; too few pictures and too many pop-up ads. I caught a glimpse of myself shortly afterward, in the glass door to the conference room. My eyes were disappointed by what they took in. When I returned to my desk I googled "Haircuts for fatties."

Why is this the first site that comes up? 

I'll tell you why. Because the word haircuts, the word for, and the word fatties all occur on the same page. However, the page = not really relevant. Those ladies aren't fatties at all. And I like their haircuts.

Oh god. what does all of this mean. I've taken too much day-quil today. I can't make heads or tails of any of it.

In other news, I have a new phone. It's name is Crackberry and it never leaves my side. It, like its pal Optimus Prime, is far too technologically advanced. It's like I purchased two formula one racing cars when I really should be chugging along in a Toyota Tercel.  Crackberry keeps talking to me and I can't make it stop. There is a button that I need to disable only I don't know how. WHen I hit the button, Crackberry commands me to command it. "Please say a command."  Apparently Crackberry will respond to my vocalizations. SInce I am not clever enough to figure this out, what happens is that crackberry just sits in my pocket, talking. So I'm on the subway and crackberry is saying all muffled like from my pocket, "please say a command" and of course I have my headphones on because I am anti-social and I don't care so probably some dude from queens is speaking commands into my pocket that I don't even know about like "go fuck your mother" and "eat a dick, bitch" and now crackberry will end up being like one of those talking birds that only knows cusses.

dammit crackberry. I can't take you anywhere. 

my life as a dog

GG gave me some encouragement about the whole Empire state bldg tourist fol-de-rol and made me feel better about breaking down to do this for the Mixforts.

I am going to say right now that I am a bad tourist friend. I would be the person who gave a raspberry at the idea of going up in the Eiffel Tower.

When I brought a boyfriend, Renzo, to visit Seattle, I refused to go up in the Space Needle. Absolutely and steadfastly refused. It was the only thing he asked to do.  That story kind of sums up our relationship as it were. oh wait, let me act it out for you:

krixfort: I'm tired of always deciding what to do. You pick something.
Renz: I know! Let's do X!!! YAY!
krixfort: That the stupidest idea I've ever heard. I'm not doing X. We'll do Y instead.

I'm not endorsing myself highly for relationship candidacy.  I am a little too obstinante.

I can be persuaded to bend on the tourist things though.  I must. . .think. . . back. .  .to when. . .I was . . .less cynical. . .and more excited about . .  .things.

This is HARD. Maybe the Mixforts will just want to hang and watch movies. Movies that I pick of course.

jolly is a go

green light on the jolly. I will be there for just a little under a month. I am trying to figure out whether I should use my credit from British Airways Marseille trip and take a weekend someplace.

Part of the deal is that I will be cat sitting and flat sitting. If ever there were fodder in my life for a Dr. Seuss rhyme this is it I believe. I would not do it in a flat. I would not do it with a cat. I would not do it in the Jolly. I would not do it with girls named Holly. And so on. . .

I don't take off until April.  In the meantime, in my quest for frequent flyer miles, I've booked two excursions. The first is back to the NW quadrant for my yearly dose of depression and family. Second is a trip to Flarida as they say here in the East, in certain circles.  Finally after years and years of making plans, I am finally going south in the spring for SPRING TRAINING BASEBALL. I'm going to spend an entire weekend enjoying America's favorite past time, in a state that took a dump on  America eight years ago. I will be sheilding myself from the other Americans by wearing overly large sunglasses and adopting an accent of indeterminate origin.

The other event coming this spring, is the visit of the MIXFORTS!  Finally!!  J-Rock is hellbent on visiting the Met. His sister M-Slice is all up for the Natural History Museum. I may rent a car and do an overnighter to our nation's capital so we can marvel at the dividing line that separates our govenment's theme park on the mall from the chicken and liquor stores across the street. That trip is optional since we're going to have a lot to do just in little ol' NYC. (God. This means I finally will be forced to stand in line at the Empire State Bldg. shiz. How do you tell the Mixforts no to that? I can't persuade them it's cooler to have a drink at the Rainbow room since they are not 21. Together they make up one person who is old enought to get in a bar but not separately.)

okay. . . enough of the blogedy. Time to get to work.

general bloggy type announcements

no news of note this week.

wizzeight wizzatchers is going okay. Each week I improve on food choices, staying closer to the ww recommendation. For example, the first week I was 30 pts over, last week only six. I've been adding activities and increasing intensity. I may not look different but I am already feeling the benefits internally. I may bounce back into gym life more quickly than I had anticipated which would be nice. I've set my 10% weight loss goal. . .is it 10% of the total weight loss goal. . .or is it 10% of my total weight. . .Well the way I have it figured is closer to the latter. When I hit that number I'm throwing a party. Should hit it in 10 to 15 weeks. . .what month is that? 1st week of Mayo? Okay, I'll be in the jolly. fair enough.

In other news, I am upset to read the plot synopsis of this movie http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0880578/.  Granted, it is not really MY script idea but it's close enough to make me look like a hack.  Argh.  It's not really the same at all except that it involves the internet and a psychopath and killing/stalking. great.

And in the last word for today, Hell's Half Acre turns five this year, in June to be precise. HHA has seen a lot of events: births, deaths, weddings, graduations, funerals, reunions, 40th birthdays. It's also seen other subtle changes over the years. . .changes of  home, changes of friends, jobs, goals, paths.  It's been a fun venture but HHA, like everything else, will need to change too. The time for HHA to retire gracefully will be on birthday number five. My hopes, really, are that the energies I've used to maintain this blog over the years, can be redirected into another form of writing.  I think I am finally ready to head down that path.

Hey. June is a ways off. As always, we'll see what happens.   

ex-pats look out

unofficial word for travel to the Jolly is yes. I will be on foreign soil for approximately three and a half weeks. I am already nervous.

I plan to bone up on my history by watching the final two episodes of The Tudors. It's very illuminating.

Maybe I'll check out Peter Akroyd's London: The Biography.

Don't shoot me. Please. I come in peace.

what!???

live karaoke?? say it isn't so.

Actually I've heard of this and I am game.

http://www.arlenesgrocery.net/karaoke_set.html

Let the mayhem begin.

panix

I HATE 401k plans. I am working on my 401k contribution junk at beige and everytime I do this I panic at the fact that I am woefully unprepared for this EVEN THOUGH, I have been eligible to contribute since I was NINETEEN years old. For those of you who don't know me, I'm a little long in the tooth to be starting up from scratch, AGAIN.

The panix include the thoughts like "What was I THINKING?" and "How little can I live on while I try to catch up?" and "I don't want to work until I'm 80. Truly. I don't. Unless I am writing. Then I will."

Was I thinking "Maybe I will win the lotto?" Maybe I was thinking "When I get the GOOD job, I'll start contributions in earnest."

I don't know what I was thinking.

These panix are not unlike the health care panix which were plaguing at the beginning of the year. The Health panix have prompted a flurry of dr. appointments as I race around NYC trying to confirm that I am not dying.

ahhhhhhhhhhh, tofurkey. That's my new cuss.

here's something else for Saturday

Where can I get one??

Saturday night's the night I like

cuz saturday night's alright alright alright. woo hooo hooo ooooooooo.

On Saturday, a friend is having a get together. I am squirming in anticipation of this wonderful event. In honor of this occaision, I am thinking it will be appropriate to have a little entertainment so I looked around the internets and look who I found!!!

Morgana, Princess of Throndor! She is coming and bringing cakes made of stardust and pixie dust tea. She grants wishes too so come prepared. I must warn you though, Morgana is a shape shifter as you can plainly see here. http://lynnesueparties.com/_wsn/page4.html

Watch out. She will bring her game face to any and all events so if you can't hang with the princess, you better check your elf slippers at the door my friends.

That is all.

zzz-force

in the tradition of not knowing when to stop, krixfort and friends stayed out Saturday until the sky turned light on Sunday morning. Alcohol consumption did not damage so much as lack of sleep. Lack of sleep is still affecting me today and I cannot rid myself of the yawns.

Prior to the folderol, I managed to have a more healthy self-indulgent weekend, with an impromptu and impulsive visit to my new addiction and then dinner with the crew of 81st Street Productions at Becco. Lovely lovely food as usual. Pumpkin ravioli to die for. Blackened sea bass with asparagus, scallops and arugula, wine, and wine. #hours of chillaxin and eatin'. MMMMMM.

speaking of the new addiction, I am telling you, I LOVE that place. Great service, great producs, great professionalism. I swear that I want to reroute my paychecks to be directly deposited to Bliss Spas. I'm going back in two weeks to spend the day and treat myself like a pretty pretty princess. That is my new strategy to keep myself on the diet and gym plan.  As long as I stick to my diet and excercise routine, I will take myslf to the spa once a month as a reward. It's cheaper than an all nighter on the town as well as healthier and more relaxing. mmmmm. I would like to go there right now. I am completely addicted. As far as I'm concerned, heroin is just a gateway drug to Bliss.
*this testimonial paid for by Bliss