Hell's Half Acre

the word urgent means nothing to me any longer

an open letter from an anonymous support person

hi peoples. I am not like most tech support people in that I can speak to non  tech people. I can usually explain things in a way that you can understand. I will listen to your needs. But I do ask for a few things from you in return.

Please don't IM me every five minutes when I am debugging your problem.

PLease don't email me and then call me on the phone to make sure that I got your support request, which by the way, did not come through the proper channel if it was submitted via email. You know where to put it.

Oh and FYI, there is a whole team of people. They work around the clock, around the globe, all the time. All the time. That means if you do submit a request through the proper channel, someone, somewhere will see it, and acknowledge it. Do not send me and only me an email saying you have an urgent urgent urgent request that is now late because guess what homeslice, I work staggered hours. Not always here at the same time all the time. It's kind of part of the global coverage deal.

Please don't call me and assume I'm omnicient. I am not. Need context from your problem. For instance coming to my cube and saying "we're fucked!" and expecting me to know what that means will not work. It could mean a number of things. For all I know, you could be philosophizing about doomsday. I don't really know. 

Don't preface every request with the word urgent. By using it everytime you submit a request, you have now invalidated the adjective. It is defunct. If each and every case is the top priority, we will then prioritize those case according to what we think is the priority.

okay one last thing. PLease know this if you work with me.  I keep a list. A list with names. A list with your name and your question. I only put you on the list if I have repeatedly told you the answer. I put you on the list if I busted my ass to give you training and your question is something we covered. I put you on the list if this answer does not require specialized knowledge and can be found on google.  I put you on the list if the answer is clearly documented in help, a knowlege base, or anyother product info. I am not the answer man. I do not exist so that you don't have to think.

Urgent is not the new black.

tick tocked

Why does madonna continue. I'm in a cab and I just had the misfortune of hearing the latest from materialistic kabbala girl. Not even close to having any kind of listenabilty, let alone kitsch factor. Way to fuck timbaland.

Put a fork in it lady. It's been over since Holiday.

shizzle dizzle storm

whoa.

could life be more crazy right now? I do not think so.

I think not.

I am not think. Can not.

Major software release this weekend at beige. Lots of work for us serfs.

Deadlines for the play. Press kits, printing deadlines, design stuffs, marketing meetings, auditions, money.

It's crazy I tell you.

Crazy.

carbon foot print low. tardy factor high.

Ilove public transport but I never seem to give myself enough time.I don't understand why the laws of physics do not bend to my will. Why can I not leave my house at 8:45 and be at my desk by 9:15? Oh yes, now I remember. It's the 15 min walk or ride to the subway that keeps tripping me up.

Here's what I tell people: "oh hey, my place is totally convenient! It's like a 20 minute ride on the F train to my office."

This is true, btw.

In my brain I remember the 20 minute part always.

My brain would make a good marketing department,always accentuting the positive and constantly committing lies of omission.

This post brought to you by crackberry and the Q32.

amazingness

first off let me say congrats to Dubz! Bunz has finally arrived and is so cute I want to eat him. Eating babies is not really socially acceptable so I will just smother Bunz with virtual kisses. kiss kiss kiss.

secondly, the play is moving along at a rapid clip. Check the playblogthingy for more details.

I've sent off the papers to the immigration station and now the ball is in the lawyer's court. With luck, we'll have an affirmative action and I will be granted admission to the jolly for two years. If not, then we make the case the long way meaning it may take a few more months to make the case. We have to prove that I do not take away a job from my Jolly doppleganger, the ex-coder who hates to write code and just likes to pick apart other people's stuff and say why it sucks.

Lots of stuffs going on which is why HHA is a little stale. HHA's fifth birthday is rapidly approaching. Almost time to retire. . .at least this incarnation. Soon to come, the new beige friendly, less personally revealing, HHA, wherein we do not talk about baby eating, or bingey behavior, or girl gore.

Man. What's the point of a blog?

you asked for it you got it

still a work in progress. So is this

http://www.writersblocktheplay.com

putting words into practice

I've often spoken about the power of the internets and marketing through conversation. I still find the internet conversation fascinating from a sociological perspective.

With the play, Master G and I ware trying all sorts of ideas to get the word out and I am leveraging everything that I have learned in the past 6 years about search engine optimization, social networking, blogs, and whatnot. We'll see if I can put my money where my mouth is before opening night on July 20th.

Oh yeah. . .and who wrote this brilliant piece of copy? hmmm?

Daniel has been infected with writer's block and can't deliver a follow-up to his smash hit play. After a few hilariously failed attempts to find the antidote Daniel discovers the cure for his malady in an unexpected place.

Master G read that to me and I was like "wow. that's good. Did they write that? Wait a second. Did I write that? Hells Bells Mary, that's pretty excellent."

So anyways, I have two examples from HHA where I've been surprised by the outcome. The first is the wamu cards sucks post which continues to collect comments.  I'm not too excited about it but it is part of the phenomenon of internet backtalk resulting from poor customer service. I'll keep the post going even though I don't like the fact that it's a little too visible in search results. (always trying to fly under the radar at HHA.)

The second example is a little more interesting. Last June I had made a post about the fact a book was written which explored some of the blog/commerce connectins I had researched at NYU. I checked my bloggy email today and I received an email from one of the book's authors who thanked me for mentioning the book. Here is a link to the book's Blog. Although I mentioned the book, I did not pick up a copy at the time. The email reminded me about it and since I am in the middle of promoting this play, it seems like good reading. Besides, the author said if I ever run into him or the other author they would be happy to autogragh a copy. Talk about marketing! Since they are both in the Jolly, it's a possibility. One of the beigers who is wrapped up in this type of stuff actually got up and spoke at the House of Commons.

The conversations that happen via this medium could never have taken place 15 years ago. It's truly amazing.

Happy Birthday MASTER G!!!!!

It's official. You are one year older.

okay enough about that guy. this blog is about ME and I have a mini crush on someone from beige. It's great to have a mini crush, especially when the object of the mini crush is on the other side of the ocean. Well really I have many mini crushes on the kids from across the pond, but most of those are mainly comprised of fondness. Soft spots like you have for a neice or nephew. The big mini crush is a little worser than that. Here's why it can never be more than a mini crush.

Object of Affectionate Friendship a.k.a. OAF

OAF is a pretty boy from a racially challenged land far down under.

OAF is seeing a "bird."

OAF is kind of like an Irish Setter. . .gorgeous and a little dumb.

OAF is in sales.

It must be the accent that's the kicker because normally I steer clear of all of that. Unfortunately OAF is really sweet and I have been looking for excuses to call and discuss a case of his I am currently working on.

I thik OAF probably knows he is charming and probably trades on that but it was not apparent to me. He seemed genuinely nice. Maybe I am cynical and ruined to be looking for the agenda always.

okay enough about me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MASTER G. Oh wait. I already said that.

But it's so nice I had to say it twice!

back in the u.s.s.a

god bless america. it's nice to spend 17.00 and have it equal 17.00 instead of 34.00.

switching gears

I'm a little burnt out on trying to hit all of the Jolly's High Streets. If you are unfamiliar with the concept of high street, it's basically the Bizarro World equivalent of main street. Every borough or area has one.

Yesterday I discovered Clapham. Pretty coolsville. In a good way. I hung out with a co-beiger for about 4 hours. We just walked around, grabbed a bite to eat. Sat outside. Tried not to sweat. I hear there has been a weird reversal of weather. Yesterday here it was in the 80s. Hot really, especially since no one has an "air-con."

Jesus. I was looking for pictures of Clapham and I found this guy's site. I want to be this guy.

back to what I was doing.

Lots of stuff happening with Writer's Block. Check the Path for more info.

I'm kinda all over the place here. I am switching gears back to New York. Today I took a time out from London and apartment hunting, and concentrated on our marketing efforts for WB. I am also packing.

Don't forget to call your moms.