the word urgent means nothing to me any longer

an open letter from an anonymous support person

hi peoples. I am not like most tech support people in that I can speak to non  tech people. I can usually explain things in a way that you can understand. I will listen to your needs. But I do ask for a few things from you in return.

Please don't IM me every five minutes when I am debugging your problem.

PLease don't email me and then call me on the phone to make sure that I got your support request, which by the way, did not come through the proper channel if it was submitted via email. You know where to put it.

Oh and FYI, there is a whole team of people. They work around the clock, around the globe, all the time. All the time. That means if you do submit a request through the proper channel, someone, somewhere will see it, and acknowledge it. Do not send me and only me an email saying you have an urgent urgent urgent request that is now late because guess what homeslice, I work staggered hours. Not always here at the same time all the time. It's kind of part of the global coverage deal.

Please don't call me and assume I'm omnicient. I am not. Need context from your problem. For instance coming to my cube and saying "we're fucked!" and expecting me to know what that means will not work. It could mean a number of things. For all I know, you could be philosophizing about doomsday. I don't really know. 

Don't preface every request with the word urgent. By using it everytime you submit a request, you have now invalidated the adjective. It is defunct. If each and every case is the top priority, we will then prioritize those case according to what we think is the priority.

okay one last thing. PLease know this if you work with me.  I keep a list. A list with names. A list with your name and your question. I only put you on the list if I have repeatedly told you the answer. I put you on the list if I busted my ass to give you training and your question is something we covered. I put you on the list if this answer does not require specialized knowledge and can be found on google.  I put you on the list if the answer is clearly documented in help, a knowlege base, or anyother product info. I am not the answer man. I do not exist so that you don't have to think.

Urgent is not the new black.