Hell's Half Acre

goblinz and garters

Hi. It is Goblin. I am bored. Krixfort was taking a nap so I gave her a new tatoo of a goblin. It might be kind of mean but that is what we goblins are all about. It is really my essence. I cannot fight nature.

Here's a picture of the tatoo.

So I get to pick where we go after we leave Perth. I must consult the map. . . .

After consulting the map, I have elected to go here:

According to this article, Dubai has the best apparel shopping in the arab world. What's a goblin to do? I like to shop. What can I say.  I wonder if I can find a good gobliny garter belt there. . .

Are you ready to ROCK????

hey kids,

Goblin and I just finished our time at Ayers Rock. Contrary to Goblin's belief, Ayer's Rock is not only a band but in fact a natural wonder located in the heart of the Australian continent.  Apparently Ayer's Rock is a popular name for a band. Here's the japanese Ayer's Rock website. And here's their picture:

Anyway, as soon as Gobby figured out we weren't going to jam, Gobs became very sullen and pouty. It wasn't until we picked up this hitchhiker

that Goblin started acting normal again. That is until we saw the hitcher on this Australia's most wanted sign. . .

We ditched that dude ASAP and made our way to the Rock. We climbed to the top of the beast and I proceeded to embarrass the hell out of Goblin when I raised both arms over my head and yelled out "Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?" at the top of my lungs.

We were asked politely to leave and now Goblin and I are on our way to Perth, back to the boat and the open seas. I believe Goblin gets the next pick in our destinations so god only knows where we will end up.

adios peeps! kisses!

time passes and time stands still

I'm pushing play on the tape deck that plays "The round the world adventures of Goblin and krixfort" startiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnngggggggg. . . . . . .  .

NOW!

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So hey everyone! Sorry it's been so long but Goblin and I have been laying low. There was actually an Austrailian civil war here and we had to bunker down. It all started over a statement Goblin made to the press after the Tasmanian Pirates Incident as we like to refer to it.  Goblin said off the record (or so Goblin thought) that Foster's lager was not Austrailian for beer but Austrailian for an oil can of piss.  I told Goblin to shut the pie hole because If Goblin had its way, Goblin would be drinking Zima. So what does Goblin know anyway. This "off-the-record comment sparked a hideous controversy here down under and I'm afraid we just had to find a hidey hole and lay low for awhile.

Things are better now and we are off to Ayers Rock. I will post pictures as soon as I get some. Here are a couple for starters.

Here's where we hid. You can't see the hidey hole but it's right behind the brush over there.

This one of me with Goblin's cousin who looks a lot like a camel. Don't say that to Goblin though. The whole family is very sensitive about the issue.

The Pirates of Penzance

Hey it's Krixfort and Gobblin here, back on our merry way. Well maybe it's not so merry right now. Let me tell you a little bit about what transpired in Tasmania.

Pirates was a success, as we knew it would be (thanks PD!) Unfortunately it was TOO big of a success and once the tasmanians started there was no stopping them.

Here's a picture of one tasmanian going for broke.

Note the horrified looks on the onlooker's faces.

Because of these rampant acts of Pirates, PD was jailed. Goblin and I left the state toute suite! Sorry PD!

I have received word that our pirate vessel has been delivered safely and is waiting for us in Perth but first goblin and I are heading posthaste to Alice springs. We have some sleuthy spy business to attend to there.

Cheerio chaps!

Pirates postponed

Unfortunately I regret to inform you all that the Tasmanian rollout of Pirates has been postponed. Goblin has come down with a sever case of Mountain Mangitis (commonly known as Mountain Mange.) We should have the situation under control with the proper meds but it has forced us to delay the endeavor by one day.

Oy! It feels like our trip has come to a screeching halt! My agita!

no sleepy

It's 3:53 and I am having trouble with the sleeping part tonight. Must be the anticipation of the Pirates event to take place tomorrow. I've been tossing and turning all night, while Goblin has been SNORING AWAY. Not that I begrudge goblin's beauty sleep or anything. . .

I awoke several times in the superman position, finding that my shoulders had gone to sleep and my neck was a little pinched. I really need a good round of pirates to work out all the kinks. And maybe a neck massage. Also, in efforts to alleviate my stress over the upcoming event, I rearranged some of the furniture in our hotel room which has tightened up my lower back like well tuned guitar strings.

The final straw that got me up and pacing was the hotel fan falling to the floor and exploding. There was a loud CRASH! BANG! BLAMMO! and the sound or the front fan grill flying off and rolling along the hardwood floor to settle in some foreign part of the dark room. After having a small heart attack, I figured out what had happened, got out of bed and fixed the fan.  Now I am awake and I will be writing a letter of reprimand to the hotel management for not securing the fan adequately.

All I know is they better have my in-room breakfast delivered promptly this morning or I will certainly be contacting the Australian chapter of the Better Business Bureau.  Ptew. Phooey.

Good night.

Pirates!

If you haven't been clued into the new excercise fad, let me tell you about it right now.

It's Pirates (pronounced like pilates.) I can't take credit for this, it's all PostModern Debunker. She's completely responsible for the new fitness craze that will soon be sweeping Tasmania. PostModern Debunker is going to fly down and meet Goblin and I in Tasmania to conduct the first nationwide Pirates class. It's going to be a major media event, with coverage from all the major news networks.

It's been a huge endeavor, trying to facillitate the delivery of enough pegs and bandanas to outfit the entire population but I think we all set to go for tomorrow. Goblin is so excited; there is Goblin drool all over this hotel room. Gross!

I think this is going to be a huge success!

now back to reality

Dear Postmodern Debunker,

how are things? Have you overcome your bout of bloggers block? I am stuck here with Goblin in a crap hotel room in Sydney. Goblin has been practicing pirates until goblin's peg gave out. We are making arrangements to have the boat delivered to Perth as Goblin and I are planning on some overland adventures. We think you should come down and meet us in Tasmania because you seem devilish at times. I think that the people of Tasmania need to be introduced to pirates. I will start working on the distribution efforts for pegs and bandanas. Let me know how soon you can make it down here.

sincerely,

krixfort

our travels thusfar

G'Day Pimps!

Cheers mates! Goblin and I are finally, officially down under. HEY!! Get your minds out of the gutter because I'm not talkin' 'bout that.

I'm armed and dangerous and I'm gonna teach these aussie dogs what it is to be an american PIMP, jack! So, yo, the first thing you gotta do is get your pimp handle. Mine is Stealth Maestro Krix Slick. Goblin's is Mack Master Goblin. Holla!

Because of Australia's reputation for deadly creatures, this is the least exciting part of the trip for me. Goblin, on the other hand, is more than thrilled to go shark cage diving, crocodile hunting, snake charming, etc.  If any of these creepy crawly mean bitey things come at me, I'll go pimp-gansta and pop a cap in their asses.

Here you go goblin. . .have at it.

Me, I have more of an affinity for the cute kids. . .koalas, kangaroos, and llamas. You ever seen an australian llama? Neither have I but if one exists on this continent, I will find it. In the meantime say hello to my little friends.

this is Kang.

this is Kodos.

and this is the Nederlander Family. Pictured are Mom Muriel and son Bob.  They have been very hospitable and have shown us some great sights and have  graciously shared the eucalyptus stash! Right on Nederlanders!

Goblin and I will see what trouble we can find in Northeastern Australia and then we're heading off to Alice Springs and points unknown.

Cheers!